


Acts of Attonement

by silasfinch



Series: Acts of Faith [3]
Category: Saving Hope
Genre: Crisis of Faith, F/F, Family Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 00:09:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11566263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: Rebeca Friedman wanted to believe





	Acts of Attonement

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Etheriei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etheriei/gifts), [thekeyunderthemat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekeyunderthemat/gifts).



> I am having an especially bad week. Writing in this universe is a happy place for me.
> 
> Thanks E for reading as fast as I can write 
> 
> Key - I may have Trope Fever?
> 
> Thanks for all your comments 
> 
> Posting this on my phone so may mess with formatting and wrote this in 2 hours during a rainstorm

Acts of Atonement

  
“If I am I because you are you, and you are you because I am I, then I am not I, and you are not you. But if I am I because I am I, and you are you because you are you, then I am I, and you are you.” – Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk

 

  
**The Disaster**

Rebecca refused to believe this about Sydney.

Her mother was crying hysterically, and calling their Rabbi. Her father was gazing out the window where Syd's car had just left; he hadn't said a word even when Hershel's parents were screaming at Syd and the family collectively. They had demanded retribution of both biblical and financial nature before storming out, effectively ending decades of friendship.

Rebecca channeled her rage into dismantling all the wedding preparations and returning the mainly secular gifts.

How could Sydney do this?

Becca wasn't surprised by her sister being gay. Sydney and Becca had been close at one time. It hadn't taken much observation to realise how Syd felt about Neshema and why she had been such an eager snitch. They were living in a conservative community, not a naive one. There were gay people in their ranks, many who worshiped at the Sabbath. What happened out of sight was not discussed. Individual marriages were conducted by the individuals concerned.

It was one thing to be gay but another one entirely to actively inhabit the identity.

Did she have no sense of obligation to the family that had put her through her beloved medical school? This announcement was going to have a ripple effect on the entire Katz family and Sammual's by association.

Hershel was a good man who adored Sydney - this was going to break his heart. Becca had secretly relished the idea of the sisters regaining their path closeness as they guided husbands and children.

Sydney was a selfish coward.

 

 

**The Dream**

Rebbeca refused to believe Sydney.

There were too many disappointments in the past. The pain of loving and then losing her previous babies still haunted Becca's nightmares. They never talked about it, but she knew that Samual faithfully tended a memorial garden and prayed silently for their lost children. His reformist cousin had been kind in sending updated prayers and resources.

Fortunately, their synagogue made an exception to the tradition and allowed the prayers of mourning to take place, even though they had all been too young to be acknowledged in the faith.

Even their mother and father had seen fit to attend the rituals.

This pregnancy felt different, Becca felt healthier and could do more.  
She and Samual had agreed that they wouldn't tell anybody, but her husband had insisted with an uncharacteristic firmness that she should send an email to Syd in Israel, complete with the medical records.

"The signs are good Becca. I will ring every Friday and consult with Dr. Henshew when I can" had been the prompt reply.

Syd was true to her word. Every Friday they would receive a call detailing the progress of the baby and any thoughts she had on how Becca can stay healthy. Dr. Henshew even allowed her to phone into their monthly check ups.

At the 10th week (when all the other babies had died) they had received a package full of children's prayer books and traditional costumes.

"We are getting there," the note said.

Now Becca was the coward for being afraid to acknowledge her sister's role in public.

**The Dilemma**

Rebbeca refused to believe that shunning her sister was the only path.

Her mother and the women from the Synagogue certainly did. The only two topics of conversation they circled round a bedridden Becca was the miracle baby and the shame of the oldest Katz sister. It was frankly boring; there were only so many ways you could be told to 'stay away' from the taint.

"Should I shun her?" she had asked Sammual quietly as they sat in the room that would become the nursery.

"We live in a world that has many variations of sin- not all of them are compatible with our traditions. Above all else, she is our baby's strongest ally in the secular world. We can give him all the faith in the world, but she has the science."

That was enough for Rebecca.

Especially when in her heart of hearts she knew something was wrong, her body was betraying her once again.

**The Diagnosis**

Rebbeca refused to believe this was her sister's fault.

In private of course, her world was too busy falling apart to say much of anything much less form the words to challenge centuries of orthodoxy.

Let her mother ramble about curses.

Her baby was still going to die.

It was Samual that had screamed at her parents, calling them old and foolish. He had all but threatened to ban them from the hospital unless they stopped tossing the blame around like it was party favors. It was so Jewish to heap blame, guilt and emotion in equal measure.

"Please come home. We need you" Samual was openly sobbing as he called Syd, heedless of the time zone difference.

Sydney had been there within 24 hours, both she and Samuel were sleeping in the plastic chairs beside her bed when she woke up from the first round of chemotherapy.

There was an open prayer book in Syd's lap and a pile of medical journals at her feet.

A paradox incarnate that was her sister.

**The Despair**

Rebbeca refused to believe there were options.

As she heaved the little contents of her stomach for the second time that morning, she screamed at her husband for a divorce.

He merely crouched by her with a damp cloth and kind words.

Both Samual and Syd had ignored her requests and insults. They worked as a team, changing sheets and clothes, making broth and dealing with well meaning visitors.

At around 1 am she managed to stumble into the living room, expecting to find them both sleep, as she had for the last three nights. Instead, they were both huddled over a laptop, Syd mid medical rant about what to expect in chemo. Samual was dutifully taking notes in a binder.

Syd was talking about a trial.

She couldn't leave him if there were a little hope.

 

**The Drama**

  
Rebbeca refused to believe her sister's protests.

There was no way her sister wasn't in love with Maggie Lin.

It was a wonder that Syd had managed to surprise so many people with being gay, she was so bad at concealing her emotions around the other doctor. It was like watching a romantic comedy from her hospital bed.

Syd swooned mid discussion about her post operative vitals as Maggie handed her a second cup of coffee.

Her sister looked heartbroken when Maggie had agreed to go on a date with some doctor who looked to be about 12. Syd looked as if her world had been set in place when the date had been 'canceled.' in favor of monitoring Rebbeca's kidneys.

Becca refused to believe her kidneys were that interesting.

Maggie even dealt with Syd's tantrums without comment or complaint, gently teasing a smile to her face when a patient had been especially difficult.

There was no way her sister could be involved with anybody but the doctor. Her love of odd medical factoids was just weird.

They had flirted over a game of 'Operation.'

 

 

 

**The Other Doctor**

 

Rebbeca refused to believe Maggie Lin

As she endured the now familiar routine of checkups and baby monitoring, she decided to gently probe this woman who so clearly held her sister's, heart.

"So you like saving children as much as my sister?" she asked as they waited for the blood pressure results.

"I don't think anybody alive is as passionate about babies as your sister, but it is pretty impressive, yes." Maggie's smile was fond

"What do you think about her being Jewish? Do you like Strudel?" she asked Maggie as she inserted the thermometer into her ear. Now she sounded disturbingly like her mother.

Sammual was silently shaking with laughter.

"Your sister is an excellent cook, but I haven't tried her Strudel yet. She is fond of making me cookies though." That was practically a marriage proposal in the land of the mostly nontraditional Syd.

"Are you going to Temple yet?" she asked as Maggie studied the readout beside her bed.

"We aren't there yet" Maggie replied with an awkward blush

"You can say the word dating it is not going to freak us out. What do you feel about children?

"I think the only focus for either your sister or me right now is your baby, Rebbeca" Maggie deflected sharply.

Rebbeca lost her chance to continue the line of questioning when Syd entered the room.

When Maggie smiled at her, she all but tripped into the room, with all the grace of a foal new to walking. Her eloquent sister seemed to have lost her understanding of original sentences.

It was adorable.

Maggie was definitely 'there' already with her sister.

 

 

 

**The Defender**

Rebbeca refused to believe her parents

When her sister's engagement had been announced her parents had threatened to say Shiva for their eldest daughter, convinced that they had lost her entirely now. Becca had done what she did with many inconvenient truths in her life; she ignored it. Steadfastly refusing to engage in any preparations, literally walking out of the room if she had to.

Rebbeca Friedman would never be brave enough to march in pride or speak at a reformist panel on LGBT rights. She had never been that outspoken or opinionated, Syd had received all those genes.

She hadn't survived four miscarriages, a metastasized tumor and lastly almost losing her son to throw a sister away over something that at its core wasn't her business anyway.

Her sister had quite literally asked for nothing. She hadn't demanded they change, suddenly wear rainbow apparel or learn the latest lingo. All she sought was a respectful acknowledgment that the love of her life had agreed to marry her and that they were going to spend their lives together.

Their parents were seriously proposing a mock funeral for her.

The sad thing was Sydney probably hadn't expected the outcome to be any different even when she made the tentative overture. She was sitting in a London flat waiting to be yelled at and condemned.

It was a small shred of dignity that Rebbeca could offer, and she would do so with few reservations.

"I'll give you my recipe for Syd's favorite cookies." was the first thing she said when Maggie picked up the phone.

 

 

 

 

 

 **The Defiance**  

Rebbeca refused to miss her sister's wedding

Of course, this had set off another tidal wave of drama in the family. However, she was learning to live with these dispositions. Fortunately, new motherhood and cancer recovery tended to give her a perfect excuse not to engage.

"You are reading this sinful book?" her mother had raged as she slammed down the guide to LGBT weddings as if its content was contagious.

"I love my sister Mumma, I refuse to see that as wrong. If this is her path, I refuse to shun her" Becca said as she soothed Aaron back to sleep.

"Think of your son."

"My son is not a bargaining chip in this mother. What Syd chooses to do with her life is her business alone. In case you forget both Syd and Maggie saved our lives."

An infection had quashed her plans to attend, but Sammual had gamely agreed to help her make a gift. Neither of them has been particularly talented at sewing, but they had laughed together over crooked stitching and stubbed fingers. There hadn't been nearly enough laughter in this house in recent years. Now they were a happy family of three thanks to her lesbian sister and her beloved.

Samual had insisted that they make a headscarf for Maggie. He just presumed that she would be attending future family events, especially the celebrations for Aaron.

Just when Becca thought she couldn't love him anymore he surprised her with an act of compassion so great it stunned her.

Her 5-year-old self had been right to select him.

 

 

 

 **The Delight**.

She had nephews.

Becca Friedman had always acknowledged that she possessed an element of selfishness in her being. It was why she had lied to Layla about Sammual liking her in 9th grade. Samual was going to be her husband no matter what, the sin of tetrarchy was a small price to pay.

Therefore one of her first reactions to her sister coming out was the loss of her identity as a future aunt. Despite them drifting apart most of her life, her ambitions involved Syd in some way and parenthood was no different.

Becca smiled at Aaron as he looked up at her from the blocks he was moving around the hall. He really was the spitting image of his father, and if these early days were any judge, he was destined to be mechanically minded as well.

Becca turned back to the email from her sister.

Or more accurately the dozens of photos of her new nephews and their beaming parents that were clogging her inbox. Samual was already making frames so that the best ones could be added to their collection of the mantel. He joked that they would need a shelf soon if this pace kept up.

People would still comment. To their parents, Maggie was still a barely a roommate, truly their parents level of denial was impressive - they got just as much mail from Dr. Sydney Katz- Lin as she did. Whatever people said she would still welcome Gideon and Asher Katz- Lin into the world with the welcoming prayers.

They were welcomed in both her heart and her home.

One of her proudest roles would be to be their aunt.

 

 


End file.
